I wish my university would stop brainwashing and spoon-feeding their students. Whatever their methods are right now of getting through the students' heads and trying to instill social responsibility isn't as effective as they think it is/would eventually be. If anything, I fear it gets through to them as messianic, "We Help The Marginalized Because We Can" taken in a wrong sense.

Talk of graduation, if not thesis, is in almost every conversation. We sit down to eat and then reevaluate our ambitions and talk of mental flowcharts about after-college endeavors.

Tomorrow I go to my one and only class for the day. My professor's nice, sure, but I am kind of getting sick of all the political bias. Tomorrow, I hope she'd leave her rants outside the classroom and talk with us about how the whole system should be. It's a downer to be talking badly about people first thing in the morning, three times a week.

I am disappointed, too, that nobody, not even supposedly esteemed and educated people like my professors who we're supposed to look up to and be inspired by, respects our leaders as much anymore. I'm not even pro-anyone right now but I wish people would stop yakking about everyone else's messes and leave some room for other people's dignity, at the very least.

Can't say this enough but it BOMBS to be sick.

A) Dinner was great. We had traditional birthday food: BBQ and home-made spaghetti. Both of which I couldn't taste AT ALL.

B) I had a sore throat yesterday so I took Strepsils. This morning the sore throat was gone but I had a runny nose and the sneezes, so I took anti-histamine. Tonight, the sneezing is gone. My nose is still clogged up though, and I have a fever, so I move on to Bioflu. Great!

C) I was brushing my teeth and I was so disoriented I forgot that my nose was congested. I forgot to breathe in before I gargled, and nearly choked.

Such an inconvenient and deeply saddening misfortune.

In any case, ONWARD SOLDIER.

This house gets to me sometimes. House as in structure. I'm always alone and sometimes it takes its toll on me. Tonight I thought I heard scratching at my bedroom window. I was in the middle of writing my Pol Sci paper and the sudden noise freaked me out. I got out my X-Acto, then set PNP's number on my phone just. in. case.

My gas.

And in the middle of a busy busy busy week, I feel that I'm coming down with something. My throat's been sore all day and I've been battling it out via Strepsils and water.

In other more pleasant news, been stocking up on new songs. I've my ears on a couple of bands from Australia, both featured on the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack: Wolfmother and The Temper Trap. I'm loving what I'm hearing so far. Personal favorites from both sides are White Feather by Wolfmother and Sweet Disposition from TTT. I like the part in Sweet Disposition where it goes "And while our blood's still young / It's so young, it runs / And won't stop til it's over / Won't stop to surrender".

This is evolution for my taste for music, too. For a while I admit to have been stuck at this Glee phase, which doesn't make a lot of sense because their versions aren't so spectacular, really. They're Glee, that's it. I am glad to have found music with more life and which is actually conducive to flailing of arms and daydream sequences during long jeepney rides or walks home.

24 days until Christmas : )

Daddy mentioned one of their company's projects in Colombia. He told me he was hoping to get in the project. I am too! Because Colombia is north of Peru. PERU. I dream of going to Peru! Vagabond by Wolfmother began playing loudly in my head. My insides hurt when I remember this adoration for Peru. I live voraciously through photos and movies and cartoons and stories. The Incas and Machu Picchu and the Amazon and the Andes. To aptly quote Russell from Up, "ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE!!! THE WILDERNESS MUST BE EXPLORED, KA-KA, KA-KA!!!"

Also today I scored an issue of Juxtapoz in Book Sale!

Now listening to some John Mayer (Room for Squares!) before going to bed. Just about the right kind and amount of nostalgia I need.

I think it's safe to say that the hardest part of my thesis is done! I had consultations yesterday and my professor told me my content is solid enough so I can proceed to the illustration and layout part already aka more fun part. I'm tempted to say that I'm halfway done though I'm not fully convinced I am. Haha! But I'm glad I'm making progress.

I'm also glad that I did a lot of work outside the computer! This makes me happy about how I'm progressing as a very much aspiring designer. To quote Milton Glaser, "Computers are to design as microwaves are to cooking." I've been firmly having faith in this piece of wisdom and I'm happy that I get to live by it somehow.

Remembering the Maguindanao massacre is so stressful and heartbreaking. We've been talking about it in every class I have since yesterday. Then I accidentally read a rather detailed account of what the suspects did to Mangudadatu's wife. Oh my gas. Devil, BEGONE. PLEASE.

Rewatching The Crisis of Credit now, as prompted by this afternoon's report in my Philosophy class about the global recession. I'm not so keen on the technical terms so I couldn't understand a thing. I'm enlightened now, though. Ma'am Angeles talked about how Asia will be the next century's superpower because of how the US is steadily going downwards with all its crises. I wonder how that'll affect us.

But actually, and honestly, I'm just waiting for the sugar and caffeine from some frappe and chocolate toffee loaf to go down so I can go to sleep and wake up to happily work tomorrow.

I've always been okay with being alone, and not the emotional type. I'm not even really used to doing things alone but it's just that I don't take it personally, and it doesn't bother me at all. Schoolwork. Eating lunch. Walking home. Even watching movies. I have no problem with that.

Also, it's quite obvious that people get together for company. I might not appreciate company so much because I'm always around people because of school or volunteering endeavors or living in a house architected in a way that you can't be in one place without being seen or passed by or heard by other people in the house save for the bathroom. But today I saw the light behind this "company", more than having someone with you because you go to school together, or you're born in this family, or because at this same time and place we meet in this jeepney.

Talk. Talk talk talk talk. It's so easy to take for granted, what with how cluttered our days get, how we never run out of things to do and how we never run out of energy to look for things to do. Sadly, there aren't enough places where people can sit down and talk, without being indebted to a restaurant to order something, without having to shout over other people's conversations.

We had dinner at Banapple last night and the food was divine I wanted to get down on my knees and thank God for their baked fish gratinee. But it was noisy and we were literally rubbing elbows with other people and we couldn't even talk properly. This is a shame because I thought their food was perfect for long heart-pouring conversations. I could have ordered take-outs and ate alone in my room and I wouldn't have missed much.

But talk is very very important. I learned that tonight, when my aunt and I sat down in the kitchen with a couple of glasses of water and nothing else. And she talked and talked and talked and talked. I could feel her healing; I was glad to be there for her even without saying anything at all.

Sometimes when people talk a lot it's irritating, but the truth comes out along with word vomit. I take a lot of the conversations that occur in my normal day for granted, which makes me realize now how much potential I've been wasting for seeking the truth about people and possibly the world. When people start talking extensively, wait long enough and their walls collapse.

I think this is the process alcohol accelerates. I've never believed in inebriation, but maybe other people like drinking together so much because they want their doses of truth. People getting together to shed skin. Like, celebrations of honesty.

If I drank, I'd probably drink to that.

Most remarkable thing about today was that it was so full of sugar. I had chocolate milk for breakfast, some iced tea with my lunch, then MineShine milk tea about an hour after, then caramel sundae an hour after the milk tea, then a blueberry cheesecake Krispy Kreme just now.



Plus my awesome new chocolate pencil case.

Today was an adventure but friends, let's not do that again hahaha.

So many careless mistakes this week. Heavily punctuated by losing our Philosophy class beadle's email address. I might have used the note to wrap used gum. Thank God for help from Gia who sent me the readings.

Also, I feel a need for some big changes, la la la la la. I think it's about time.

Thesis paper down! My planner says it's not due until Monday, but thanks to John, I found out this morning that it was due today, or at least before the weekend. But I made it! Hwooh. Thank God.

For History, my groupmates and I are making a zine about the Death March. It's an interesting project and I'm excited!

I'm also honestly excited for my thesis. Everytime I don't work on it, I feel like it's a chore, but when I do get around to working on it, I get happy about it. I hope I can pull this off and make it work!

And because I realized that I work better when reward-oriented, here is my sembreak reading list I've been whipping up:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Go Negosyo!: 21 Steps on How to Start Your Own Business
No One Belongs Here More Than You

Just three! And one's even for thesis haha. It's not like I have a lot of time on me anyway! :D

And guys, Cinemanila starts tomorrow! And runs until the 25th. Details at cinemanila.org.ph

After the very very psychologically disrupting salot sa lipunan which was Ondoy: papers, a long test, promos, a ton of plates and I'm done for my last first semester (but never for thesis! Nevah!)

I am kept sane by God, the Food Network, Got Heart, and Glee.

Sabi nga ni Smile, GAMEFACE IS ON.

See you next week with more air to breathe with!

Hi.

I don't know how to reintegrate myself into the internet scene again, just after more than a week of being out of it. I feel out of place. I can't relate to anything except stories about the storm, Glee, and Sunday's tragedy of a game.

!!!! That which I watched live! And even brought my Dad to the game for good measure! It's the first time I've watched an Ateneo game live, and we lost. I've seen our team lose on TV and it's easy to shrug off. When you're out there and you see first hand how miserable things are getting shot by shot, it's devastating.

BUT I AM NOT ALONE. My dad and I walked out of the train station that night after the game, and a man who was walking towards where we came from, who saw my foam fingers, asked me who won. I told him that Ateneo lost and he Tsk-ed. I was secretly happy that a complete stranger, who I think is or was not from Ateneo at all, shares my sentiments.

Because MY GAS. WAHAPEND GUYS? Where was Salamat's firepower? Bakit hindi kumasa ng baril si Jai? Bakit walang nagpasa ng bola kay Rabeh? The Eaglets played way better this week than the senior team. And it was a bad bad bad time to lose. We could have gone home champions that night.

Game 3 on thursday. ONE BIG FIGHT.

Anyway.

I am here at the Got Heart HQ, working on some promos, waiting for my dad to pick me up. Still have to work on our Immersion report when I get home. I am happy to be back, up and running again. I missed this.

My Ondoy reflections deserve a separate post. I've chronicled my experience since Saturday morning the week before last.

The sun was out today but boy, the country's beat up in so many places. Every time I remember it hurts to know how seriously evil the devil is. But now that he's given his shot, I'm going to sit back and watch God have his turn.

Go get him, big man. Get him good.

It's not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn't have bothered in the first place. But let me tell you something. There's not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They're both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they're cheering for you. You do that, and someday they will.

-Sue Sylvester

Ateneo-UST. GOOD GAME. I made an extra effort to move all my work things in front of the TV, which is downstairs in my aunt's room, just so I could watch and work at the same time.

1. Jai for the Threes! And then suddenly, BACLAO FOR THREE!

2. Rabeh literally scooping up Monfort off the floor. As in grabbing him by the armpits and setting him to stand. Ang cute lamang!

3. Commentator: Say thank you to Eriiiiiic Salamaaaaaat!!!

4. Speaking of Eric Salamat, good job for the steals! Ang galing. Parang BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

5. Maaasahan Assists. I haven't seen a whole lot of games but this one so far has the best lay-ups this season, methinks. (Is that what you call them? the set-up strategy things of the players right before they shoot the ball?)

One big fight! :D

P.S.
My cousin, who's in the States and whom I haven't talked to at all since I left her there last June, called this morning, and the first thing we talked about was Glee.

P.P.S.



squirrel print dress from Topshop!
Web-window-shopping is one of my favorite ways to take a breather.

No need to say goodbye

Lucy: I knew it was you. The whole time, I knew it. But the others didn’t believe me.
Aslan: And why would that stop you from coming to me?

Carrying on! Brought mostly by all the comfort food I had consumed today: a creampuff from Dulcinea, a Wham! burger with cheese, and strawberry Taho.

I'm thankful that I'm not sleepy (YET, and I hope not anytime soon). This animation endeavor is so easy-hard. The basics are easy to process and actualize, but to process and actualize a gazillion times in one scene? GOODNEZ. I'm trying hard to come up with something decent for tomorrow, but the project's been watered down so many times due to the time constraint, that it isn't as good as we first planned it to be, as I first saw it in my head to be. I submit something for approval tomorrow. I'm thinking of a storyboard for now because I will die first before I can finish making things move and spring about by tomorrow.

The most special thing about this project, I guess, is that the "client" is my mother. She's a dentist and knows nothing about design kemerloo and whatever. This means that she wants and expects the project to be done in a week, that I get no pay except for some mommy-daughter lovin', and that I can't get angry. This is a challenge. With other people, it's easy to complain about them. But every time mother asks me for updates, which is twice a day, one in the morning and one at night, I feel surprisingly fine. It's the best test of patience for things like this.

Which leads me to think that maybe if we all try to put our hearts into our work a little bit more, life will be so much easier.

A list of things to do come up with ASAP so I get reminded every time I go online:
-Sembreak Youth Camp promo materials due Saturday
-Thesis proposal paper due Wednesday
-Thesis exhibit materials due the week after next
-some backlogged Drawing plates

O MAH GAS. I died last night already so I can't say I'm going to die. This is me on my reborn phoenix mode already so nothing but onwards headlong for me!!!

Playlist for this project is sticky pop. Among others on loop: Taylor Swift's You Belong With Me, and Gold Digger but Glee's version! Because Kanye might not let me finish.

I think about my parents and realize that I can never ever repay everything they've done for me. I miss them so much right now it hurts in different places.

In other news, I'm learning Flash! Here is my first ever attempt :D With lovely music by Michael Giacchino (sounds familiar?). Hooray. I hope my computer can take everything I'm hurling at it!!! Let's go computer!

As for everything else: I aim not to disappoint. I will not put all the help given to me to waste. I AM DETERMINED TO DO ALL OF THIS, SO HELP ME GOD.

SO HELP US ALL GOD.

---
tonight's gonna be a good good night

GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I did not expect that first episode! I can't wait for the rest of the show.

( two-sentence spoiler )

!!!! EEEEE !!!!!

Another thing to look forward to every week *u*